Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
