just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
