if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
