do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
