Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
