i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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