You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
