People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
How naked do you want me to be?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
