I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize