were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
