Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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