New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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