Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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