I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
