i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
