Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
