Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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