so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
