Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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