i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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