Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
