1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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