it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
