Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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