I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
