what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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