You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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