There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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