i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
