he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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