do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
