2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
