If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
