Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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