This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
