I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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