she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
