Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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