Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
