My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
