Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
