i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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