i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
