This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
