Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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