Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
is that a dick in a sweater?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
