I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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