The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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