just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
