I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
