Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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