What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
