You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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