i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I came so hard my ears popped.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
