she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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