I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
