He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
