Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
