I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
