I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
