Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
