i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
