Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
