Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
