I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
