Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
