I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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