My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
